In a “ post sexually liberated” society maybe chastity is a better way to live one’s life.
Let us remember one thing before we start. Freedom from desire is not the same thing as the freedom to desire. One can lead to a lot of frustration, anger, bitterness, resentment, and regret. The other one is liberating, detached, and leads to peace of mind, serenity, clarity, and wisdom.
However, we are humans, we like to have sex. We programmed to want and desire one another. The pleasures of the flesh are hard to overcome and transcend. Napoleon Hill wrote that sexual energy is the most powerful energy we have.
In the Hindu tradition, there is a practice called brahmacharya which entails refraining from any sexual conduct for a period of time. It could be a day, it could a be lifetime. Brahmacharya translates directly as walking with God.
That’s quite a statement, which says a lot about how sex is hardwired in us and how much of a drive it is in our lives as humans. I have been single for a while and I meet girls every now and then. I am not a prude. I am decent and a gentleman with women as much as I possibly can yet I have to be honest with the readers and myself.
My main drive is sex. I am driven by it. That’s what makes me put in the extra efforts to get sexual gratification. It truly does get tiring though. Not because of the successes and failures.
It gets tiring because there is physical gratification but that’s very short-lived and not very fulfilling. You’re done and after some time you want it again. Maybe this time a little more variety.
Desire begets desire but when it comes to sex. Sexual desire begets much more sexual desire and variety. Ultimately, the pleasures of the flesh if not consumed “properly”, are like a bottomless pit. There is no getting enough of it.
Plus there is really no outcome. It’s a mirage of an oasis in the desert. The investment made on it has little to no return on investment when it comes to true joy and fulfillment. Sexual desire, if treated as a selfish, consumeristic sport becomes a burden more than an empowering act to be shared with one we took the time to connect with.
Now, I am not trying to say that we should all become monks and nuns. If you feel that’s the way for you then more power to you. Most of us will not be ordained and will still have to face that “predicament” It is a good thing that there is less of a stigma when it comes to the conversation on sex.
However, sex, porn, sexual orientations are still quite taboo. We need to have an open discussion about those subjects and especially teach our younger generations how to deal with sex, tinder, dating, porn in a wiser and safer way.
When I say a safer way, I do not only mean physically, I am also talking about mentally and even spiritually. I read somewhere that in some parts of India, men are traditionally required to abstain from sexual conduct until a certain age.
Sexual refraining is not repressing if you are repressing and denying that can lead to a backlash that can have terrible consequences. To say that sex is bad and people should avoid it is not the way to go. That will only drive people to repress and/or express their sexuality in ways that will not lead to anything wholesome and fulfilling for themselves and their partners.
Chastity should be willfully chosen as respect for sex. To see it as something more than just people sharing their genitals for the physical pleasures and the release of dopamine and serotonin in the nervous system.
Maybe by being a bit more chaste, sex would help us connect more with someone and with ourselves, and then perhaps sex can be something sacred where it is only empowering and not disempowering.